The Muslim Mama Diary

It’s sooo cold I could turn into an icicle soon! I don’t know the freezing point of humans though!

I am just waiting for this terrible weather to go away, and summer to set in , sometime in April or May. But, sure enough I’ll be moaning about the humidity and the heat and begging Allah for the coolness of winter, by then!Such monkey minds , we humans have!

So far, the windows are getting so condensed with vapour . I’m busy wiping the slab everyday!Keeping things on it is a no no for now! The kids books got soaked and I hadn’t realised, and off course they were upset!

Well, I’m tired of shivering and the crick in my back and hope the temperatures rise a bit next week.

Why oh why do I miss the heat of India so much these days. I guess it’s obvious…..

Well, I think, it will be a year that I’ve started wearing the Hijab with a cloak, in April.It was something that I had put off for a long time for want of support from the family and a bit of dilly dallying on my part as well.Alhamdulillah, I am happy that I took the necessary step towards this, and feel much more protected and comfortable with myself now.

I did just cover my head previously, but realised that this just was not enough anymore.Certain incidents brought to my consciousness what I felt being”exposed” somewhat. And, Masha Allah what a feeling it is to wear the Hijab in totality.No I do not wear a Niqab, and am not sure if I ever will.

I do get the odd stare at times, but, I think the world is much more exposed to our culture these days and so most of it comes in the form of curious stares from little Chinese kids! Which is acceptable.I don’t think I’ve ever been sided out because of what I wear, much. It could well be because of my different ethnicity too.but, hardly something that I could grumble about! Though on a bad day, I do tend to mistake rude people as being prejudiced against me for my culture, which may or may not be true!

Any how, airports are still a funny experience .I look more or less middle eastern with the garb on, but without it you would know I’m actually Indian! Yet, the long hard looks at the picture in the passport and one’s face, the longer body searches and being asked to step aside if your shoe buckle beeps, et al adds to the hilarity!

Well, you win some, you lose some, but I sure would not trade it for the world!

Well, actually Thursday nights or the night before Friday is what I’m referring to here.I tend to confuse the islamic way of the new day starting form Maghrib, despite years of hearing it at home.

As a child, I remember my mother took special care to sit me down to read Ya-sin or some other prayers(unfortunately, mawlids were commonly read, not anymore though).I remember that had an almost imperceptible effect on my conscience.That come what may Friday night was meant for prayer. Even today certain households switch off the TV after Maghrib to recite Quran together.

Now, I confess that the pace of life, after school activities and sheer fatigue makes it hard to pull the kids, now in their teens , together and bring about an evening of prayerfulness. It’s so much easier to cite reasons of time shortage, or say poor kids have no time, or that prayerfulness is ideally meant to be everyday, etc.It’s harder to get one’s act together and be a responsible Muslim parent.

Last evening, I managed to do just that. Just went up to the kids and said that, I know you kids read the Quran by yourself each day, but could we do it together today? And lo….after it bit of”I’ll just finish up this work, ma”….they-all obliged! I toldthem how it is actually my fault for not putting in that extra bit of effort, and felt so ashamed.

Maybe it will work again today, maybe it won’t but I can’t just say”Teens!”, in exaggerated frustration and get away with it!I must not slide off like that, although, I don’t do it too many times.

Lord help me to be an adequate guide to my offspring. Ameen!

Once in a while ,I have to pull up my socks and run errands for the hubby. Usually when he is overseas.I get to visit these plush offices in the capacity of office clerk, errand girl or what we call back home in India… a peon!

So there I was in the Central biz district of Hong Kong, in my best Hijab (still just black) ,and trying to walk as briskly as these executive types that are a dime a dozen out in those parts. It didn’t work! I stood out like a sore thumb, and was obviously either an Arab-ish tourist, or alternatively,an Indian in a Hijab….which would be more accurate, actually!

Well, Alhamdulillah, I followed hubby’s instructions to the T, as is my panic stricken, paranoid way of doing his errands, and

Alhamdulillah again….I didn’t muck up!

May I add , I quite enjoy this once in a while! Not just for the change in routine, which is nice, but because I can sneak over to the many by-lane markets and grab some stuff from the street stalls! Tch…how unprofessional.

Have you ever felt that a house could close in on you….strange, very strange! I mean, kids really are the light of one’s life and the life of your homes…! My Jaans! I know how mean I can be to them about the noise levels that can be generated by the three of them, but the minute they step out that door (to school or just down to meet their buddies) I feel enclosed in a soundless, vacuum sucked house! Of course the MIL is with me and hubby is too before office hours but, that does not make as much a difference really.Yet when they are here I make a huge hue and cry about Jeans lying about and school things strewn all over the dining table.Which is a pain no doubt, but so much better than not having anything to clean up!

How will I live when they move onto University in a few years….? Now, now, MM get a hold on your self!

What should I cook today…. that same ol tough question that SAHM’s face every darn day!Nothing like the kind of questions floating around the stock market these days but, a pertinent one no doubt!

I have a set of meals that I make and the family enjoys but, despite the long list of food sites with wow recipes, that are oh so cool and easy to make … come dinner time I’m stuck !

Recently I decided to pick recipes that I hope to make during the course of a week.I usually do this on a Sunday, and then tick it off as I go. Makes me feel all “good home maker-ish” and accomplished.

There’s always a way to twist your arms and get things done eh?

If you thought that I was talking about myself and the kids, well, that’s not what this is is about!

I live with my mum in law, and she is a mother of three grown up males (of course, hubby is fully grown…so I think). In her time she was considered a great example of good parenting and so far the results of her efforts are still to be seen.However, I find not all that was done to kids earlier in terms of punishment or strictness would work now.

I at times have this ongoing thing about pleasing both generations , but, in the end one thinks of what is good and feasible for the kids.This often can lead to disapproval from elders, and as a mother I do things my way only if I know I’m doing it for their good, not out of some ” I can do it better than you” attitude.No hard feelings (ideally) ought to be involved! And I do listen to all words of caution and methods, before putting it through the “feasibility” scan. I take a good chunk of it, and adapt it to my kids needs(and my own style of relating to them,learnt over the years) and some of them work well,but others well are out dated.I think there was a Hadith about bringing your kids differently from the way one was raised.I’ll try to find it and put it up here!

However, I must add that there is a vast amount of knowledge to gain from the parenting experiences of our elders, and I hope I don’t ever in my moments of stupidity miss out on them!

Do you sense a bit of guilt here??

I won’t make huge claims of childhood piety…no! But, I will go as so far to say that yes, I was never allowed to forget who I was , nor my culture by my parents, and this shaped my upbringing greatly. I had several non-muslim friends in my Catholic convent school in Mumbai, India ,and studied under western influence, but was not allowed to participate in certain activities quite as freely as my friends.And they understood.I could not wear shorts to a class picnic to the beach, nor eat non vegetarian if it was not halal.I did not feel the burden of being ‘different’. So what am I getting at…?

It is now my turn…life has now come full circle, and I now have to keep my lil eleven year old daughter on the right path. That is one in which there are minimal experiences of an identity crisis, and since I’ve done it fairly well with her elder brothers, I guess it should be easy to handle this one too.

Ah! But no…this one is emotional and has several emphatic “why”s and”wherefores”.I have to deal with tantrums and tears. Boys, well, they can sort things out with logical arguments, with facts and religious evidence given … for questions like, why should I not have a girlfriend like my other buddies. And it is understood, and accepted with wisdom.

Now this one wants to know why and when is the latest possible time that she must wear a head scarf! Why certain fashionable clothes are just not worn by Muslim girls.Hah!It doesn’t seem to work quite like it did for the boys.My arguments tend to get laced with more emotion, more threats and more scariness than it did with the boys.

Was I like this and have I just forgotten? Or should I place the blame on the genes of some gran hat loves fashion till today..mmm? Or is it thanks to all these Hannah Montana and lizzies of the world that I find this battle a bit tougher, and should I worry, despite seeing her have a strong moralistic streak on most matters.

These are some of the questions that I ask myself about raising my daughter in these modern times!

As salamu alaikum to one and all! I love blogging and so am back with it after a hiatus. This is the first time that I’m trying Hadithuna and hope it creates for an interesting experience.Insha Allah . My blogging consists mainly of topics related to my life and experiences of being a mum, and wife, and of raising Muslim kids in these modern times. My day to day ramblings, and a slice of my life! Hope you enjoy it…..